Sunday, October 5, 2008

ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE


You know, it’s not so bad that my ex-wife runs her own attack website. Or that she constantly releases old video clips meant to embarrass me -- heck, the one she released this past weekend shows a guy filled with energy and exuberance, the kind of guy you’d love to have a beer with (BONNIE’S NOTE: OR, YOU CAN ASSUME FROM THAT VIDEO, FOUR OR FIVE BEERS PLUS HALF-A-BOTTLE OF PEPPERMINT SCHNAPPES. YOU CAN SEE OUR VIDEO UPDATE ON WWW.VOTEGARNER.COM, BUT MARCINE HAS PLACED THE UNEDITED CLIP ON HER SITE, WWW.GARNERSTINKS.COM. THE NERVE!).

No, it’s that she’s doing it all from behind the gates of Vernehenge, the beautiful estate I built with money from my severance package when I was asked to leave my show, “Travelin’ Man!”. Now I’m not saying I was the perfect husband, but don’t I deserve to live somewhere a little better than a one-room bachelor apartment above the now-defunct Sweets-N-Treats store? I’m not a bitter man, but if Marcine was as smart as I think she is, she would come around and see that, all personal feelings aside, I’m much better for this town than her choice, Winston Blank.

And by the way, if anyone has a hot-plate they could donate, I’d appreciate it -- mine shorted out last week.

God Bless Verne, and God Bless America.

6 comments:

Bonnie said...

Mayor,
We have a toaster oven in that back closet by the water heater. I know it's not quite as versatile as a hot plate but I think you would be surprised at the many functions. Let me know and I'll dig it out for you.
Bonnie

Anonymous said...

Hey Garner:
When are you going to debate Winston Blank? Or are you just too plain embarassed at all the dirt that he and your ex-wife have on you? C'mon Garner, be a man and challenge Winston to a debate. Bring it on!
Tangerone

Bonnie said...

Hello Tanger, please check the Mayor's blog post from Sept. 24 -- Mr. Blank has refused every invitation to debate! Maybe it's because he has so much pressing business in Chessup to attend to, he rarely comes to Verne. Anyhoo, the Mayor is not afraid of a little dirt, just look at his record!
Bonnie

Hobert Yodershire said...

Garner,

You know you can always use the microwave at the Shop-N-Go, even it you don't buy the food there.

You know, I never did like that Sweets and Treats place. I'm glad they went out of business. I guess I'm still mad that they bought out Papanapolous's Candy Kitchen. Lamona and I had our first date there. She ordered half a pound of black licorice, and on a dare I had the boiled octopus. Fortunately I washed it down with an ouzo and a Grain Belt beer chaser.

I hadn't thought about that in years. Maybe we can talk Haverkamp's into stocking a bottle of ouzo!

Garner said...

Hey Hobe -

You are a true friend. I may not be able to say the words out loud on our weekly trips to Haverkamps's, but having friends like you in this town is what keeps me going in my darkest hours. And I miss the great Papa's too! I hear Nikos is now an organic farmer up near Shelton.

Garner (actually Bonnie, but I'm pretty sure I'm expressing the Mayor's sentiments acurately)

CITIZEN OF VERNE said...

GOD BLESS YOU MISTER MAYOR FOR ALL YOUR HARD WORK AND SACRIFICES. I HAVE A VINTAGE G.E. HOTPLATE FROM WWII THAT STILL WORKS LIKE NEW WITH JUST A LITTLE SMOKING NOW AND THEN SO IF YOU WANT IT JUST SAY THE WORD AND I'LL DROP IT BY THE CITY HALL. I WOULD BE PROUD TO HAVE MY HOTPLATE SERVING IN A GARNET ST. JOHN ADMINISTRATION!

A VERNE CITIZEN